I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
