Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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