C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
