I got chris browned last night
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize