I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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