So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
