when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
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What did I eat last night that was bloody?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize