Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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