The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
