I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
His nipple licking is glorious
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