Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
