I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
they're like a gay fantastic four
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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