I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
