There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It's official drugs can't kill me
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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