Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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