Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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