google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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