I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
