did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You can't motorboat a personality
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
