Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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