Swine flu is the new snow day.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize