why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
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