You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
