But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
it's like heaven, but drunker
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
