She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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