She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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