Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Randomize
