Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
