Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
