soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
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My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
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Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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