remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
organizing the empties. That sober.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
