Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize