This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
As shirtless as possible
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
