after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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