I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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