i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
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