omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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