I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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