I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
