I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
