Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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