So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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