It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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