So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
dude. I can hear the air.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
