walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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