I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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