I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
