forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
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4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
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My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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