She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
