You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
