I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
