We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off