he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.