Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
