You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.