his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.