You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
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If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
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Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...