Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
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and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
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do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian