JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
