Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
