I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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