I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
