This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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