My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize