I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
