Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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