Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
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