I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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