I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
