he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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