She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
