yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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