well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
